feeling stuck in the midst of restlessness

i. i feel sorta stuck, you know? i'm stuck in my hometown, while almost everyone i know who is my age is off to college, or traveling, or interning. i feel like, yes, doing another year of community college and working is the smarter option, but i can't shake the feeling of loneliness when I see everyone else up and go. i've been so restless lately, but i know that in my restlessness, i need to rest in the Lord and trust that He knows best and has a plan for my life. i've been learning over and over and over that life rarely goes according to my plan, because it isn't my plan that God is concerned with, but His own perfect plan. so even though i continue to bear a feeling of looniness, i know that sometimes i have to just feel restless, while resting in my Lord's perfect plan

ii. but the restlessness makes me anxious. sometimes it's hard to sleep, because i continue to wake up from dreams. everything seems so overwhelming. i live in a mess of a room because the thought of picking it up makes me want to lay back in bed and close my eyes. at work, people ask my if i'm okay because i'm "quiet." i didn't realize i was acting like i wasn't okay, but now i feel weird. my finals were hard, and i'm scared i didn't pass them all. i don't have the time or money to retake classes, so my hands have been shaking for hours and my eyes continue to check my phone in search of a grade update. my shoulders ache from tension and my head begins to pound. resting in the Lord is so so hard, because becoming anxious is so easy, and being patient seems so hard

iii. yet, sleep always come, darkness turns to light, and a new day appears. the wave of anxiety and stress continue to ebb and flow, but the steadfastness of the Lord never fails, so i wait in His arms. when i can't sleep, i cry out in prayer. when my body aches, i lean into Him. when my hands shake uncontrollably because the answer is taking too long, i repeat, "He is faithful." and when i can only see the bad, i write out the good. because sometimes it's so much easer to see all the bad in our life, but the reality is, our blessings are so much more. so i thank God for who i am, and where i am, and i know that even in the midst restlessness, God is always good.

muddled up thoughts from a midnight ramble. what has God been teaching you lately? how do you react when faced with restlessness in your life?

love you all lots,

elizabeth