Was it real? // Today I Noticed #1

A few months back, I began a new writing challenge. Every day (or as much as I could) I would freewrite in my journal beginning with "Today I noticed." It's something I've started to do again, but I've also been looking at some of the old entries. Some of them are full of jumbled up words because I was too tired, others have some wisdom to them, and others are just downright silly.

Today I decided to share one of my entries.

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Today I noticed just how much I question my interactions with others. I've always considered myself an open person. I want to create deep, personal relationships with others. I want to be real-and I think I am! It's after those real encounters that I begin to question the authenticity of them. 

I'm a firm believer that some of the best conversations start in the car. Liv and I carpooled to the city together today and just talked. We talked about love, travel, shame, privilege, pain. We talked about things that matter, and it felt real.

Was it real?

And you see, I begin to ask myself that question because I know the things she's said about me in the past. What if she tells people what I told her? What if I get hurt?

Today I noticed that to live a truly vulnerable life, you can't begin to question every tiny or big interaction you have with someone. You can't control what they do, or say, or feel. All you can be is truly yourself. 

Overall, I'm choosing to look at the evening as a good one. No matter how real or fake it was, I know for certain that I was real, we got to know each other better, and it was a beautiful night in the city. 

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*names and location have been changed for privacy.

Do you find vulnerability hard? Do you often feel guarded around others? Consider how leading a more vulnerable life could bless you and those around you! Remember that no matter how much you care about what others think about you, the only thoughts and mindset you can change is your own. 

Hoping you're all having a lovely day!

Elizabeth