Hello friends,
It's a pleasant evening tonight. I've sat down with a steaming cup of tea, headphones in with soothing music, and my five hour headache has mostly slipped away. No due date looms over my head and my fingers ache to start writing, typing, anything.
Yet, the words don't come.
I've sat here over and over the last couple of months, writing very few posts I'm proud of, countless drafts bound to sit there for eternity, and still an ache in my heart and a yearning to say something. I've sat staring at my computer screen to the point where it feels like the white light will consume me. My eyes hurt with tiredness and my head no longer wants to think coherent thoughts.
How do you combat this? What do you do when you know the words are there, when you know there's something waiting to be seen, but nothing comes out?
I've been so frustrated with my writing life this year. Writing was something I could claim, it was my "thing," my hobby. But lately, I can't even get myself to post regularly on here, let alone comment on other posts. My journaling and poetry has staggered, and even my writing for school has taken a blow.
Maybe I've spread myself too thin, or maybe I'm not spending my time wisely, but I've come to the point where I have to accept that I'm not an amazing blogger who can write freely and have countless creative ideas. I'm simply human, a person with greater responsibilities than blogging. A person whose personal health and mental well-being is more important than blogging. A person who loves to write, but has to balance their life and breathe every once in awhile.
I miss writing, my goodness I miss it, but it's not realistic to hold myself to these blogging standards.
I'm a bad blogger.
There, I said it. No need to defend me (or agree with me, gosh hitting me when I'm down), I know. I mean sheesh guys, I've only posted twice this month, and one of those posts was just a monthly recap.
You see, I want to be more vulnerable on here. Sure, I want my blog to be fun and happy at times, but I also want to tell the truth. I want to be honest and gritty and real. So my first step towards this goal is just this: admitting my defeat, but continuing to strive to do better and create content I'm proud of.
So hang in there guys. I have some things up my sleeve that I'm excited about. I promise I'm not leaving anytime soon and that my tired eyes won't keep me from doing what I love. I'm just simply here to tell you I can't be a perfect blogger, but if you guys stick around, I might just occasionally wow (hah) you with a semi-cool post every once in awhile.
Honestly, you readers are the best and I adore you. Thanks for supporting me even when I disappear time and time again. Hopefully you'll be seeing more of me this spring, so get excited!
With much love,
Elizabeth
WOOOO. that's it, that's it. and i know it deep, deep down. some days it's hard to get it out. learn when to hold on and when to let go.
ReplyDeleteloves loves. xxx
p.s. look up Waves by Treehouse Wait. and if you like that song, go sift through the others. x
Hey you!! Don't force it or stress about it too much, we all go through this- the times where words don't come to mind and you get frustrated. I've also been going through some blogger block and it sucks but just know it will fade and go away. Hang in there! <3
ReplyDeleteElizabeth -this. I'm constantly battling this. Not just with blogging, but also while talking with friends (even family!), when journaling... sometimes I feel like I have this issue when thinking! It's hard to have all that bubbling at the surface and yet unable to be brought out. Not that it's all bad. But it is often hard, in one way or another, when the things you want to let out instead press on your heart until you just want to run from it, even if it's something wholesome and needed.
ReplyDeleteYou may be a bad blogger, by the blogger standards. It's hard to live up to the rules; 3 times a week, with everything perfectly aligned and yet mixed large enough to grow your audience, and don't forget social marketing. It's something that, I think, is impossible for anyone to live up to without devoting their life to it. I personally have given up on it, and though sometimes I feel downhearted by the fact that I'm not doing it "right"; it's also been so freeing.
But I truly and honestly think you are a wonderful blogger. I've only commented once before, to introduce myself (I hate lurking on blogs, haha), because I often am not sure how to reply to all the thoughts you've given me. But your posts grab me like few do. You are honest; you are open; you are humble. That post on vulnerability earlier this month? Man, it got me. And I kept it open for three days to tell you so, and then chickened out. #igotitintheory Lol! I'm working on it. You share a glimpse of a life that is devoted to God and filed with the finer things of life (responsibility, faith, relationships), and yet you bless us all by sharing these deeply impacting posts whenever you get time, and really, thank you for that <3.
okay wait first off: ARE YOU LEFT HANDED?? bc if so that's cool XD
ReplyDeletesecond: you are not a bad blogger - legit - blogging is not a chore. do it bc you love it, but not bc you feel pressured to. sometimes life just gets in the way and you know what, that's okay. <33
and ooohh, surprise??? do tell XD
Girlll, I have felt this way so many times. there have been so many times when i just need to write but the words don't word. But you got this! Hang in there. You'll get through it <3 I honestly love your blog so much and I can't wait for whatever you decide to do!!
ReplyDeleteOh, I feel you. Blogger's block has been so bad lately. Writing in general, really. I'm finally getting a handle on my novel again, but blogging...oh boy, it's been hard. We're gonna get through this, girl. <3
ReplyDeleteIt is real tough to get back into writing, especially when you're tired, but it's okay to take complete breaks when you're tired. Nothing good can come of the times when you're just too tired.
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