i'm ok

how are you
they ask

i'm ok
i say

~

it's 12 am
and i feel
so
very
afraid

every 
noise i hear
shakes me

doubt haunts
all
my thoughts

i toss
and
i turn

~

it's 6 am
and i
don't want to
start this day

it feels
like
too much

but
i lift my feet
and i touch the ground

you've got this
i say
you're ok

~

it's 3 pm
and i feel

empty

no

full

full of doubt
fear
uncertainty
confusion

~

how are you
they ask

i'm ok
i say
with a smile

i hope
maybe
they'll realize
i'm not

that's great
they say
me too

but they don't
so i keep going
i pretend
i lie

~

it's 8 pm
i am so
so 
tired

but the day feels so
long
and i'm afraid
because what if
tomorrow
i don't feel ok
either

~

it's 11 pm
i don't cry
i can't cry
but
i'm confused
because
why do i feel this way

hey papa god
i say
i'm not feeling ok
please
help me

~

sleep comes
and
i'm ok
but
sometimes i'm not
and that's ok too


A little note// Hey guys <3 So lately I've been thinking back a few years ago when I was really struggling. With mental illness awareness week just passing, and some recent events happening close to home, I've been thinking a lot about the concept of being "ok" and how people fake it so much. A few years ago, I was dealing with a lot of anxiety and dark thoughts and I tried so hard to hide it from everyone else. I still deal with anxiety, but I've been realizing the importance of confiding in others.I wrote this because it's ok to not feel ok. And it's ok to tell others you're not ok. So please, if you're dealing with some stuff right now, don't be afraid to talk to someone about it. Your parents, siblings, friends, pastor, me. Don't ever feel like you're alone. And even more importantly, don't ever forget that we have a Lord who loves you, and He never gives you more than you can handle. You've got this.


With love,

Elizabeth